Struggle and Someone I Miss

For those who don't know, well, you might surprised that amid all the fun and joy I've been experiencing with my time in Spain...

I'm struggling with school here.

Yes, it's real. And no, it's not the kind where it's a panic if I'm getting Bs. Rather, it's a real struggle. I've never been so concerned about school before, but I'm really scared of failing my year.

I go to classes, but I barely understand because of the language barrier. Though the professors are nice, I still feel that they are a bit unapproachable. Sometimes I go to their office with questions, but I feel that I'm not getting any help. And exams are coming up next month.

A lot of exchange students have told me that the courses and profs are easy on exchange students because they would just let the exchange students pass since it would be considered as wasting time to study abroad and fail and then study the entire year again for the same content.

But who can be sure? I mean, my last paper for this class was 40%. I've never ever had such a low grade on a paper, not even Chinese, English, or Spanish. And that's what stressing me out. I'm handing another paper for the same class in two days. I've been to the prof's office for clarification on the assignment and I've submitted my paper to 7 people to edit. Yet... I still feel that it's insufficient.

I know staying positive is very important. I've done that. But still, it's unknown in regards to my grade. I mean, I think I understand what the assignment is asking, but... when I write it and it gets graded, it's exactly the opposite. So frustrating.

Maybe this time it'll be better, yet there's still this part in my mind that it can be worse, as the paper is a lot longer and harder.

I feel that all the efforts that I'm putting aren't appreciated. I feel that the local students are constantly judging me, expecting me to fail. I really don't care what they think. I know I am better than they are since a lot of them have never seen the world. But it's hard when you're in an environment where people aren't recognizing, acknowledging, or appreciating the qualities and efforts you have.

Yes, maybe in a Spanish academic environment I may not be the brightest due to my limited knowledge of the language, but that doesn't mean that it represents all aspects of me.

I know that there are so many people supportive of me for who I am. And just when I'm thinking about it, I remember a teacher whom I know will greatly appreciative and supportive of who I am.

Mrs. Watson.

She was my 7th grade teacher. I'm not saying that other teachers I've kept in contact aren't supportive of me. But one thing about Mrs. Watson stood out.

She saw me struggled with school. I think she's the only teacher who saw me struggle and doesn't now much about the things I've achieved. I didn't know how to study. I didn't know English language. I was probably the one who struggled the most in her class. Yet, she would always call me over to ask me how I was, and she had expectations for me. Whenever I did well in some subjects, let it be geography, social sciences, or literature, she would always call me over congratulating and encouraging me and saying how happy she was to see me succeed and improve. That was somewhat a stimulant for me to continue to work hard, because she saw the effort.

Just when I started to get back on track with my studies in high school, she left Morrison. I never kept in contact with her. And she never saw the achievements I've made up to now. I think if I were to see her again, and tell her everything, especially my time here in Spain and MUN conferences, she'll be really proud. Surprised that someone who struggled so much could achieve so much in a short time. I have a feeling that she is still hopeful of what I can achieve and wants to know what I've achieved.

I have so much to tell her as we've lost contact and so there is a lot that she doesn't know. Yet it is still not the time as I still have a lot to achieve.

It is because of these people that I continue to strive. I'm thankful for meeting these people in my life.

Now... back to editing the paper. No matter what happens next, I know there are people supporting me for who I am. I'm still going to do my best regardless of the hardship. Even if those people don't appreciate or acknowledge it, it's not a concern as they are not important...

加油!

Sometimes Surprises Come Around

Coming to BIMUN had lots of surprises indeed.

Where should I start? There are way too many.

1. University of Salamanca

I thought I was the only student from a Spanish university, but it was totally false! My roommate at the hostel, Carl, is German student studying in UK but on exchange in Salamanca, Spain. He was with a delegation of 10 people, and you bet I was ecstatic to hear that! Throughout the conference whenever we see each other we would address each other in Spanish. It's kind of weird how I don't use Spanish when I'm not in the environment best for it. We've decided that we'll have to visit each other's cities before heading back to our countries :P

2. Oxford again?

What this means is that I actually met someone who went to Oxford! Judith was the Committee Contact Person (like assistant director) in my committee, and she was a chair for SPECPOL at Oxford last month. When we found out about our attendance at the conference, we were so happy that we just talked and talked about the conference and how much we missed it :P It's always good to know someone who has been to same place as you have.

Another part is meeting Hee Sun, assistant chair from my committee in Oxford. She is a student at University of Bonn, and the first day we met in Oxford we've decided to meet again in Bonn :P We talked a lot about many things, mostly about the goals we have in the future. And Hee Sun has really concrete goals she is determined to achieve! That's what I like about MUN conferences: meeting aspiring and inspiring people who have reasonable dreams and goals that can have an impact on the world and that you can understand, relate, and learn from.

3. TAIWAN (or really, Chinese language :P)

Who would've thought? I actually met people from Taiwan. Fu-nong and Chao-ting were exchange students from 台大 and 淡江大學, respectively. Particularly, Chao-ting had studied in Taichung (東海大學), where I grew up, and we were waaaaaaaaay to happy to see each other. We discussed how much we lovvvvvvvvvvved Taichung. In addition, I also met Hannah who is also an exchange student, but from UW Madison. She's studied Chinese in Taiwan for a year, and it was amazing just to listen and know how much knowledge of the language she'd acquired in a year! Moreover, she spoke very very very good German considering she's only been in Germany for a short time! Wow, so inspiring. I wish I could be like her :P She was screaming and hugging me like crazy when Chao-ting introduced me as the other Taiwanese, LOL.

I also met quite a few Chinese too! Songqiao is from 青島 but goes to Mount Holyoke and currently is an exchange student at Bonn. And she was in my committee too! And there was also Wensi, from 北京大學, who is an exchange student at Salamanca :P And lastly there was En-yi from Singapore, but goes to school in Japan, and is also an exchange student in Bonn

Talk about being international!

But technically Songqiao, Chao-ting and I hung out the most together :P Monday we spontaneously went to Cologne for a short trip. With their student card they were able to bring another person on the train for free :) We saw the major sites which were the Cologne Cathedral and the Christmas market :P

I decided to buy postcards, but it was pretty expensive. And just when we turned the corner, I saw another store selling the SAME postcards but SO MUCH CHEAPER. You bet I was furious!!!!!!!! Really, I wasn't :P

But Songqiao and Chao-ting were comforting me saying like:

"啊你那個比較漂亮"

"那個那個色調不一樣"

"那些有點髒..."

"啊它那個有摺痕......"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. 甚麼爛理由啊.....

But towards the end of this conference, I must admit that since leaving Taiwan, it was the most Chinese I had spoken. And I was happy :)

4. Canada

Well, I was the only Canadian there, LOL. Yea, what a surprise eh?

However, I met Annika and Mia who had been exchange students in Canada when they were in high school! They were in Vancouver for a year, and they loved it! Of course they would. I mean, come on, it's CANADA. It was definitely nice to meet someone who has been in an environment as you have :P And Annika represented Canada in her committee. She actually asked me for clarification on Canadian foreign policy prior to the committee sessions :P

Getting the Christmas Feeling

One thing that is different between Spain and Germany is, no doubt, the COLD.

I personally don't like snow and the cold too much, but being in a sunny environment while it should be really cold is some what weird for me. And so I enjoyed the cold very much in Germany. It's not as cold as Canada, which I guess is a good thing, but nevertheless it was pleasant to be in a different environment.

Another thing that I enjoyed Germany was the Christmas market, where traditional beverages, food, and crafts assembled. It was so lively and decorated every night, and along with the cold it definitely made it feel like Christmas!

I tried almost every traditional German cuisine you could think of. Bratwurst, gluhwein, backfisch, reikebuchen (however you spell them).

The Christmas market with all its characteristics really reminded me of the night market in Taiwan. The food, the vibe, the people. Just not the cold.

Though it may be chaotic as many times I'd almost spilled my food, it was relaxing and enjoyable. I guess people were there to enjoy, and I felt it.

I bought some small Christmas crafts for my family, and postcards too for the ones I care :P

The Unheard Symphonies of Beethoven

This past week I was in Bonn, Germany for another MUN conference. Bonn is the former capital of West Germany, and the birthplace of Beethoven.

BIMUN was a lot smaller than the previous conferences I've attended. Well, frankly it probably was the smallest conference I've attended. Like 200 people in total? Still a lot smaller than my committee at WorldMUN.

But the funny thing was that I heard people saying this was the biggest conference they've attended and they're super excited.

Wow. Seriously. You've got a lot to attend.

The conference overall had more students coming from Central, Eastern, and Southern Europe

The conference invited so many people and figures discussing about climate change. In my committee a director of the German Union (If I can remember) lectured on green technology.

In my committee, International Labour Conference, we covered green technology and gender equality, but personally I liked green technology so much more!

We also visited the Germany Museum of History (whichever name it is...), and it talked about Germany from the end of World War II to the reunification. It was really impressive as it detailedly showed clips, files, and items depicting life in West and East Germany. I felt the most powerful part of the museum was about the fall of the Berlin Wall, where you see people from East Berlin and Germany crossing into West Germany for the first time in tears and with their luggages, hopeful of a new life.

I'll go more into details about the conference in different posts later on. As for now.... SLEEP.