I'm struggling with school here.
Yes, it's real. And no, it's not the kind where it's a panic if I'm getting Bs. Rather, it's a real struggle. I've never been so concerned about school before, but I'm really scared of failing my year.
I go to classes, but I barely understand because of the language barrier. Though the professors are nice, I still feel that they are a bit unapproachable. Sometimes I go to their office with questions, but I feel that I'm not getting any help. And exams are coming up next month.
A lot of exchange students have told me that the courses and profs are easy on exchange students because they would just let the exchange students pass since it would be considered as wasting time to study abroad and fail and then study the entire year again for the same content.
But who can be sure? I mean, my last paper for this class was 40%. I've never ever had such a low grade on a paper, not even Chinese, English, or Spanish. And that's what stressing me out. I'm handing another paper for the same class in two days. I've been to the prof's office for clarification on the assignment and I've submitted my paper to 7 people to edit. Yet... I still feel that it's insufficient.
I know staying positive is very important. I've done that. But still, it's unknown in regards to my grade. I mean, I think I understand what the assignment is asking, but... when I write it and it gets graded, it's exactly the opposite. So frustrating.
Maybe this time it'll be better, yet there's still this part in my mind that it can be worse, as the paper is a lot longer and harder.
I feel that all the efforts that I'm putting aren't appreciated. I feel that the local students are constantly judging me, expecting me to fail. I really don't care what they think. I know I am better than they are since a lot of them have never seen the world. But it's hard when you're in an environment where people aren't recognizing, acknowledging, or appreciating the qualities and efforts you have.
Yes, maybe in a Spanish academic environment I may not be the brightest due to my limited knowledge of the language, but that doesn't mean that it represents all aspects of me.
I know that there are so many people supportive of me for who I am. And just when I'm thinking about it, I remember a teacher whom I know will greatly appreciative and supportive of who I am.
Mrs. Watson.
She was my 7th grade teacher. I'm not saying that other teachers I've kept in contact aren't supportive of me. But one thing about Mrs. Watson stood out.
She saw me struggled with school. I think she's the only teacher who saw me struggle and doesn't now much about the things I've achieved. I didn't know how to study. I didn't know English language. I was probably the one who struggled the most in her class. Yet, she would always call me over to ask me how I was, and she had expectations for me. Whenever I did well in some subjects, let it be geography, social sciences, or literature, she would always call me over congratulating and encouraging me and saying how happy she was to see me succeed and improve. That was somewhat a stimulant for me to continue to work hard, because she saw the effort.
Just when I started to get back on track with my studies in high school, she left Morrison. I never kept in contact with her. And she never saw the achievements I've made up to now. I think if I were to see her again, and tell her everything, especially my time here in Spain and MUN conferences, she'll be really proud. Surprised that someone who struggled so much could achieve so much in a short time. I have a feeling that she is still hopeful of what I can achieve and wants to know what I've achieved.
I have so much to tell her as we've lost contact and so there is a lot that she doesn't know. Yet it is still not the time as I still have a lot to achieve.
It is because of these people that I continue to strive. I'm thankful for meeting these people in my life.
Now... back to editing the paper. No matter what happens next, I know there are people supporting me for who I am. I'm still going to do my best regardless of the hardship. Even if those people don't appreciate or acknowledge it, it's not a concern as they are not important...
加油!
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